Let's Hope Someone Listens

Here is the letter I have sent to many people including the governor of Colorado. Please, please, pray that someone listens. If you are interested in helping out and sending a letter of your own or just changing the wording of mine, please e mail me and I'll be happy to share. Maybe if we flood their offices, they will listen and think about this.

May 25, 2010

Dear Governor:

My name is Jacquie Disque. Although I reside in Kansas, I have concerns regarding citizens of your state. I urge you to take the time to listen to my situation and assist in whatever way you can.

My sister and her husband, Karla and Suresh Maharjan, are residents of Commerce City in the new Reunion subdivision. Karla is a Physician’s Assistant and Suresh has a Masters Degree in Data Base Administration and works for a company in northwest Denver. They have been married almost four years. My sister is 42 and Suresh is 35. They have struggled with infertility their entire married life. They decided to pursue adoption, through the Foster to Adopt program, through Jefferson County and the State of Colorado. During the required classes, they became very familiar with the needs of children specifically in Jefferson County and the Denver metro area. They knew they wanted children. After having two sisters returned to a family member on four hours’ notice in September, they specifically requested children whose parental right were terminated and were “free” to adopt be placed in their care. In November, they were thrilled to receive word that they were having two girls placed with them. Parental rights had been terminated regarding both the mother and father due to continued drug use. The girls’ names are Priscilla and Marie. Priscilla is 3 and Marie is 2.

From shortly after they arrived, the girls called my sister and brother in law Mommy and Daddy. As they learned more about the situation from which the girls came, it became obvious that these girls had been through far more than most adults had been. At that time, their mother was incarcerated. Karla and Suresh were told that after the mother’s rights were terminated, she kidnapped the girls and took them to Mexico to leave them with their paternal family. She told them it was all settled in the Colorado court and it was “okay” to leave them there for 30 days. Their paternal grandmother is the one who returned them to the authorities and this is where Karla and Suresh come in. The maternal grandmother remained in Denver, lying about knowing the whereabouts of her daughter.

At the time of the girls’ arrival, on November 23, Karla and Suresh were told that all parental rights had been terminated and these girls were eligible for adoption after the appropriate amount of time. Karla specifically asked on that date if a family member expressed interest in adopting the girls, would they have a greater chance of placement and she was told no, because parental rights were terminated. They had learned during their classes that often, children in this situation are rarely removed from the foster home after three months. On the day of their placement with Karla and Suresh, an “uncle” expressed interest in adopting the girls. “Uncle” Ernie knew about the parents’ drug use, he knew the girls were in Mexico and he knew they were not supposed to be there. He sent money to support them and never notified the county that he had such knowledge. During the time since Priscilla’s birth, he had limited contact with her and subsequently Marie, until the mother’s drug use escalated. At that time, he stopped all contact with them. He did complete his home study but was allowed a much longer time to get the paperwork completed and the home study done. His home study was finally completed sometime in April, long after the initial three months that these girls were placed in foster care. The caseworkers admit that he took an unusually long time to complete the paperwork. At no time during their placement with Karla and Suresh have either one of the girls asked about their real “Mommy”, “Uncle Ernie” or any other family member.

On Friday, May 14, Match Day occurred. Prior to this, all home visits by the girls’ case worker Kelly Quinn, Karla and Suresh’s case worker, Llynnette Osorio, the guardian ad litem, Cathy and the therapist, Aimee Gee had garnered nothing but praise about how well the girls had adjusted as well as how well Karla and Suresh had adjusted. In fact, the Sunday before Match Day, Aimee, stated she was drafting a “strongly worded” letter to the committee stating that removing these girls from this home could be detrimental to their well being, cause unnecessary trauma and possible irreversible damage.

On May 14, after almost three hours of discussion and “testimony” from all of the concerned parties, custody was awarded to the uncle. The following are statements that I believe to be true. I have tried my best to keep the emotion out of it and simply state some facts.

The “uncle” is not a blood relative. He is the “common law” husband to the girls’ father’s sister. The father’s rights were terminated.

Ernie works as a Certified Nursing Assistant in a nursing home.

The above mentioned sister is here as an illegal alien from Mexico. This is documented in the home study. The county has known that since the beginning. This is the reason she can not file for placement of the kids.

Karla and Suresh were discriminated against because they are not Hispanic/Mexican. They were told that the girls needed to be with their “culture”. They are United States citizens. They are most certainly in their culture. In addition, Karla is American and Suresh is Nepali. This is truly a multi cultural family where no specific culture is discouraged. The girls have always been allowed to speak what little Spanish they know.

Karla and Suresh were also told the girls needed to be with their biological family which is certainly not the case as custody was awarded to someone who is not a blood relative. This “family” includes drug abusing parents, a mother with multiple incarcerations, a maternal grandmother who perjured herself, under oath, when asked about the whereabouts of her daughter, a paternal family in Mexico who, though they were told the girls could stay for 30 days by their mother, kept them longer and the paternal aunt who is an undocumented, illegal alien.

When Karla and Suresh inquired how Ernie was going to provide for five kids, they were told “the committee feels they can manage on food stamps.” Karla and Suresh were later told that although a full disclosure financial statement is part of each home study, finances are not a consideration in placement of children. The five children would include two of his own, Priscilla and Marie and their younger brother Isaiah, who will most likely be placed with Ernie as well.

When the caseworker, Kelly Quinn and the therapist, Aimee, came to see Karla and Suresh on the afternoon of the meeting, they stated that “never had they heard a foster family spoken so highly of and had the decision go the other way”. Aimee stated “her heart had been broken many times that day”.

The Match Committee convened for an unscheduled meeting to determine the custody arrangement. This match was done on May 14, nine days before the girls’ six month anniversary with Karla and Suresh occurred. Kelly had told Karla and Suresh that the match meetings were full through June but was able to arrange this meeting. Before Karla and Suresh could file for adoption, the girls would need to be in their custody for six months. It is understandable why Karla and Suresh question the motive behind the unscheduled, early match.

It is my belief that something, somewhere, in your system has failed these girls. In addition, many hearts have been nearly broken with the news that these girls will leave the only stability that they have probably ever known. Karla and Suresh have spoken to the caseworkers and know that Marie tested positive for cocaine at birth. If the mother was using at the time of Marie’s birth, it is almost certain she was using during her other 3 pregnancies as well. (There is an eight year old sibling, whose parental rights were terminated as well.)

Since the beginning of the week of Match Day, the girls have started exhibiting some anxiety. I am sure they are picking this up from Karla and Suresh, even though they have tried to maintain a “normal” routine. Marie is not going to sleep well and she had been since she arrived, until last week. Priscilla seems almost consumed with making sure Mommy loves her, even when she’s being a normal three year old. She is exhibiting the same behavior with everyone involved in her life from her daycare provider to her extended family and especially Mommy and Daddy.

I have a hard time understanding how this can happen to anyone, much less my family. Does it make sense to have the taxpayers of Colorado pay for these girls’ medical, dental, mental health, food stamps and support for the next 15 years? Karla and Suresh were told that Ernie will never be able to legally adopt them. He will be a “kinship guardian.” I assume he will continue to get paid to have them for the next 15 years. Conversely, Karla and Suresh, once the paperwork is complete and the adoption is final, will put these girls on their insurance. They will not require assistance from the state. That is a huge savings to the taxpayers.

As members of our family, our neighborhoods, church families and coworkers have learned of the decision, outrage, concern and heartbreak have been the leading emotions. Many people already know of the situation. Some of those people are native Coloradoans and sadly, are embarrassed to be from such a state that would do this to these children.

I could get very emotional about all of this and threaten to do this and that but I am not that type of person. I am just hoping to get one person to listen. One person to actually think and wonder if this is truly the right decision for the girls. One person who is not solely worried about “culture” and “biology” but considers much more than that when it comes to making a family. Priscilla and Marie are currently tucked into their beds in Reunion, sleeping soundly. The “transition” to begin spending time with Ernie has not yet begun. There is still time to change the outcome.

After reading the information I’ve presented, I have to ask: Do you think the decision of Jefferson County Children, Youth and Families is a reasonable one? I find that most people are reasonable and I urge you to use your reasoning in this situation.

Thank you for your time. Please contact me if you have questions. I have listed my contacts and well as Karla and Suresh’s. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,
Jacquie Disque, RN

God has a plan

It is a tough day in my life but nothing compared to my sister and her husband. They have been foster parents to 2 girls for the last six months with the anticipation of adopting them. Yesterday was "Match Day" where a committee of 3 come together to determine where the best place is for these children. Although we always knew there was a chance for them to not stay with Karla and Suresh, we honestly never thought the decision would be made to give them to someone else. Not a true biological relative. Not back to their mother or father. It is apparently better to place them in a culturally "correct" home for them. The chances that they could have had with Karla and Suresh have been taken away. The dreams that Karla and Suresh have had for the last six months and looking forward to the next 18 years have been taken away as well. Instead, they'll go to a home with 3 "siblings" where they will "manage" on public assistance (not saying anything against it, just stating a fact).

I have lost a baby before, through miscarriage and I know how much that hurt. I know how much I cried, how depressed I was. That was a baby who didn't talk, call me Mommy, throw tantrums and give me kisses and hugs. These two do all of those things and the thought of having them taken away is more than I can imagine.

We don't know the exact timeline for this to all happen. I haven't been able to talk to Karla much as you can imagine how she is trying to keep it all together and spend time with the girls.

In the meantime, please keep Karla and Suresh in your prayers. Pray for them to have some peace about this decision. Pray that somone, somewhere, has a bit of conscience and decides this maybe isn't the best decision. I know God is in control and has a plan for all of them. And I know there are at least two angels tugging at God's sleeve asking Him to let those girls stay.

SNOW

It is snowing just a bit here this morning. I can't believe it's only about 10 days until Thanksgiving. I must get better about updating the blog!!

The girls are doing well. Malia is a sophomore. They just finished marching band where she performed with the color guard. Concert band has started and they have a concert in December. Their big undertaking of the year is fund raising for a trip to Houston in April. She is anxiously awaiting the start of girls' swimming (not until March) but has been dong strength and conditioning as a class at school. She's definitely building some muscle. She already has her sights set on the state qualifying time for the 100 yd butterfly. Her other big event coming up is Hollyball, a formal dance, in December. She already has her dress. We still have to find jewelry and shoes and the hair appointment is made for that day.

Jessica is in 5th grade this year. She just finished outdoor soccer and basketball has started. She's not very tall but she's very tenacious when she's trying to protect that basketball. She is taking piano again this year as well.

Our new hospital is doing well!!! We have had over 60 deliveries since we opened July 7. The rest of the hospital continues to be busy as well. It is a very nice facility and the doctors who own it demand excellent staff. However we are rewarded with a very positive atmosphere to work in and the newest technology and equipment to work with.

A couple here in Great Bend won the Powerball lottery last week. Their take home was over $33 million dollars. They are a very deserving family. It is nice to see that things like that really do happen to "normal" people.

I have a new laptop so as soon as I figure out how to get pictures on here, I'll post some.

Hope everyone has a great week!!!

Love,
Jacquie

Happy 4th of July

It is hot, as usual, in central Kansas on this holiday week end. There are showers and storms to the north but not sure if they'll make it here or not. I think tomorrow is suppose to be a little cooler, only around 90 so that will be nice. We'll be having our usual block party tomorrow evening and a community (our block) fireworks display. The city is not doing a fireworks show here this year so we'll hang out here and watch the kids (both big and little) shoot their night works. It will be a good time with lots of good food and great friends.

We've been busy around here. We had Grandma's 90th birthday celebration on June 12. It was a great time!! She had two of her nieces and their husbands come for the party. Lee and Louella came from Sierra Vista, Arizona and Jim and Anna Mae came from Fullerton, CA. She was very surprised that they came.

The birthday girl



Lee, Louella, Grandma, Anna Mae and Jim


We had people here from Arizona and California, Oklahoma, Texas, Colorado and Kansas. She received almost 70 cards and twice as many well wishes from the people here in town. I believe the youngest well wisher was 1 year old and the oldest was close to Grandma's age. People she has known for well over 50 years came to see her as well.




Pat Detwiler and Grandma

DJ, Doug, David, Dave and Suresh

I had 25 people at my house on Saturday night for dinner and 30 on Sunday night. It was great!! Grandma was there for all of it but by Sunday night, we could sure see her getting tired. She said she was stiff all week after her busy week end but she enjoyed every minute of it.

I went back to Denver with Karla and Suresh on Monday after the party. Karla and I went to Las Vegas on Tuesday for 3 days. It was great! We saw Bette Midler and Blue Man Group, ate at some really good buffets, had In N Out burgers, shopped, stayed up late and slept in. I got home on that Sunday and on Monday morning, bright and early at 8:00 am, I went here:

Yes, that's the front of my new place of employment: Great Bend Regional Hospital. We've spent 2 weeks finishing up, stocking supplies and writing policies. If you want to see more pictures, leave me a comment or e mail me and I'll send you the info. Or, if you're on FAcebook, add me as a friend and you can see the photo album there. We had a community open house yesterday. It was very emotional as this is a dream come true for these physicians that started almost 15 years ago. We open officially at 8:00 am on Tuesday but we are doing a c section on Monday so we'll have our first baby then! It has been exhausting work but it is sooooo nice!!!

Oh yeah, and in the middle of all this? Harvest got done. I didn't even see a combine at the farm this year. Jessica lived over there for the week and Doug went each night after he got off work. I know Grandma appreciated Jessica's jello and cookie making skills!! Malia didn't get to go over either. She's been helping with swim lessons twice a day and doing her usual job at the pool. She sure likes those paychecks!!!

I know this has been long but I hope you've enjoyed the pictures. I'll try to do a little better about updating the blog. It's just been a busy couple of weeks! I Hope this finds you all doing well and enjoying your summer and time with family and friends!!

Love,

Jacquie

Update

I know, I know. It's been forever since I posted. I don't know where the days, weeks and months go. You would think since I am a lady of leisure, I should have everything done and just sit around in my pink fuzzy slippers and eat bon bons - NOT!!!!

Let's start with kids. For the last 6 or 8 weeks, I have done nothing but follow this:

Yes, that's Malia, doing the butterfly for the high school swim team. She had a pretty good year for a freshman. They just finished their season on Tuesday. She didn't qualify for state but definitely improved throughout the year. I was able to go to all but 2 of her meets. I guess God did know what he was doing when I got laid off. If I had been working full time, I would have never gotten to go to all those meets. Suresh and Karla even came for one of her home meets. She is going to be working at the pool this summer. Since she's not 16 yet, she will work in the concession stand. She will be able to lifeguard next year. I think she is also going to help with swim lessons.

Then there's Jessica.

This picture is from her piano recital on April 16. This was her first real year of piano and she did very well. Sheis getting excited for school to be out. We are going to Denver just after Memorial Day. She gets to stay with Aunt Karla and Uncle Suresh for two weeks. She will come home when they come for Grandma's birthday party. One of the weeks she is there, she gets to go to a camp. As soon as she gets back from Colorado, she starts 2 weeks of swim lessons. I can't believe she's almost done with 4th grade!!!!

I am anxiously awaiting the new hospital to open. They are putting the finishing touches on it and I believe it is suppose to be turned over for occupancy on June 8. Our first day of operation is suppose to be July 6. I can't wait!!! The new hospital is Great Bend Regional Hospital. I have enjoyed being off but boy, will we be happy to be back to full paychecks for Mom!!! I will be working OB again plus wherever they want me to. I have been working some at the Surgery Center, traveling with Dr. Slater and working night shift at Ellinwood District Hospital. Some weeks are much busier than others but so far, we seem to be making it OK.

We are busy planning a special something for this special person:

No, not Jessica!! Grandma will be 90 years old on June 18. We are planning a big celebration for her on June 14. Invitations have gone out. If you didn't receive one, let me know and I'll e mail you the info. It will be cake and punch on the 14th at our church, Trinity United Methodist Church (Broadway & Patton) in Great Bend from 2-4 pm. If you can't come, please send a card to my address and we'll make sure she gets it on her party day. We hope to get 90 cards to give her!!

Doug is fine. Started the street work for the summer. I think he's looking forward to going to Colorado for a few days. I think he's also going to a couple of car shows this summer as well.

I think that's all for now. I'll try to be better about posting!!

Love,

Jacquie

Prayer request

I have a very good friend who I worked with at the hospital who recently had a baby. Logan was a miracle baby from the beginning and he was loved long before he was born. Mom had done everything right and looked forward to a healthy baby. Unfortunately, she began having problems just before Christmas when she was only 4 months pregnant. She ended up on bedrest for 9 weeks before giving birth to Logan last week at just over 6 months pregnant. The baby was actually 13 weeks early. He is doing as well as can be expected with his age and prematurity. They have set up a website and would love to hear from people and rally with all that support. You can visit his website at www.caringbridge.org. Choose to visit loganwagner.

Please put Logan and his parents on your prayer list. Thank you all so much!!!

Love,
Jacquie

Sick and Tired

OK, so the title says it all. Not that I am sick and tired of anything specific. Literally, I'm sick and that leads to being tired. It sucks. I can't breathe through my nose, ran a fever last night. I'm the last one of the house to get sick. Everyone else is pretty much better. Jessica actually had strep throat complete with antibiotics. She missed 2 days of school last week. I really wanted to get some stuff done this week but this cold is not allowing me to do that. Oh well, it will get better.

It has been kind of a hard week otherwise. I follow a blog of a 10 month old who was diagnosed with neuroblastoma, a type of cancer, on January 24 and she died on Sunday. I don't even know these people personally but when I look at the beautiful pictures of her and her family, it is so sad.

Not much else happening around here. Enjoying the nice weather we've been having. It was just a year ago that we were in the hospital in Hutch with Daddy and had finally gotten the official diagnosis of lung cancer. I went back and read the caring bridge journal entries the other day. I can't say that it was really upsetting but I don't remember a lot of those days as they all seemed to run together.

I am working just once in awhile at the surgery center. I ws suppose to work 3 days this week but being sick, I haven't. I will work on Friday if I feel OK. I am working at the office this afternoon and travel with Doc tomorrow. At least I'm bringing in a little money here and there.

I have to admit it's been kind of nice to just be the mom for awhile. Jessica was only a year old when I started nursing school so she has never had me around to poick her up every day at school, be home for supper, help with homework, all that stuff. If I don't go back to work full time until July, I will have been off for 6 months from full time work. That's hard to imagine!!

Hope you have a great day!!